SUPER MISSION #2: The Secret of the Trickmail Cookies

    So it's the day after Christmas.  I guess I am not the biggest fan of the Christmas season these days, maybe it has to do with the fact I don't get He-Man toys for gifts anymore, it is always socks and underwear.  The sad fact is I usually look forward to getting things like socks and underwear.  There is also the thing where I tell people "Happy Birthday!" during the holidays and nobody seems to know what I am referring to.  C'mon, am I the only person who was reared by a television?  Anyways!  My dear pal RobotCat is supposed to be sending me cookies for a present.  I checked my mail today and there was indeed a package for me from her.  I'm ecstatic, I love cookies, this is the best thing anyone has ever done for me, I am racing back to my room when some sinister thoughts begin running through my mind.  As we all know, the internet is not very secure, why I sort of assume anywhere from ten to a thousand people read every little IM message I send to anyone, so maybe. . .just maybe, someone decided to capitalize on this known package by waylaying it and substituting it with a trickmail.  I decided to investigate the package carefully to determine if it were indeed my cookies or some sort of exploding cookietrick.

SUPER MISSION #2 Objectives:

    Use whatever means at my disposal to investigate the package.

    Eat the cookies, duh.

    I decided the best thing to do was decide what I could expect to find from a package of cookies and what I could expect from a package of exploding injury.  Try to keep up with my logic:

    Examining the exterior of the package evinced no concrete evidence to either possibility.  The addresses both appeared to be correct and it was post-marked from the correct town (a clever cookie terroist could work around this).  There were two points I found disturbing: The package was marked fragile.  This is what a terrorist would put if he wanted his package to not be kicked into exploding en route.  Upon reflection, cookies may very well be considered "fragile" if they are not burnt, though.  I guess that one I will let slide.  The other thing I noted, however, is serious!  There is a tab marked "pull tab to open".  I can't sit on this one, everyone knows you pull tabs on fireworks to set them off, a clever evildoer could have used this seemingly innocent tab to prime the cookie device!!  I applied some more science.  The tab did not set off my "bomb fuse testing device" so I believe it is just a regular old tab.  However, I fear I must still. . .operate.

    I quickly assembled an "operation field extraction kit".  I decided I would need to open the package very carefully.  A cut along the edge where it was closed seemed a good place to start.  I decided on using the Dremel (with the proper "eyeguards", of course).  I managed to open the end of the package without killing myself!  That is a good start, I always say.

    I have to admit, it seemed too easy so far.  Was I overconfident in my own anti-trickcookie abilities?  The package was seemingly open now, but what was I missing?  aha!  In a rush I dimmed the lights in my room (I am very glad the designers of this building instelled anti-opticaltrickcookiedetonatordevice dimmers in the lights, or I might not be alive to type this.) and pondered the idea of light-activated detontaions.  I attempted to view the interior of the package before opening it by holding it up to the light, but could see nothing inside, so the interior was obviously light-proofed.  I decided to use my pocket microscope since being a scientific device, it's light was probably on a wavelength designed not to explode things.  A cautious peek inside assured my senses that no hidden optical traps were inside.  Extracting the items safely, however, was going to be a problem.

    Okay, not so much.  Using tried and true science, I dumped out the package.  The contents matched what I was expecting: a decorated cookie tub and a tiny paper hat.  The only disturbing point was how RobotCat had listed the contents as"NON-POISONOUS CHRISTMAS COOKIES BY ROBOTCAT!"  Please note how "non-poisonous" seems to have been smudged to read. . ."poisonous".  This bodes ill.  In the meantime I discovered that the voodoo ninja had need of a tiny paper hat to lighten up his eternal prison away from the hearts of man.

    Taking care to examine the seal of the tub, I decided it was safe to open the package.  I believed at this point it was safe to rule out explosion because the tub was now open to unlimited investigation.  The best period to detonate an explosive cookie device was in the envelope-opening stage.  All I had to fear now was either rampaging devil-insects of some sort or poison. . .or. . ."evil" or "slightly more evil".  I opened the tub!

    At this point the smell of DELICIOUS COOKIES stole all my reason and I could not stop myself from devouring a cookie.  Okay, three or four, I can't really be sure at this point.  I waited a bit and thusly, I did not die.  I broke out the eggnog and ate some more.  I cannot, with human words, describe to you how good these cookies were.  I am somewhat in fear that just eating these cookies means I have sold my soul to Satan.

RESULTS: 1 awesomely decorated cookie tub

                  Delicious cookies.

                  A tiny paper hat.

Need I say it?  This mission is a SUCCESS.